Showing posts with label What?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What?. Show all posts
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Fourteen What Now?
Some relatively new businesses dot the shopping district of Lynbrook. After eating at Angelina's yesterday, I noticed one that I hadn't thought much about until I actually read the name of it. At first, I thought it was called 14 Handies. I asked, What the hell is a handie?
My brother said, No, I think it says 14 Candles. Like 16 Candles. Minus 2.
But no, when we walked in front of it, we deciphered: 14 Handles.
What do they sell? Handles for pitchers and mugs and jugs? Handles for buckets and pails? Briefcase and suitcase handles? Cooler handles? I guess it could be a legit niche business considering how many things in the world have handles.
The colors are all neon, though, so I'd thought it was a frozen yogurt shop or a place for smoothies.
You know you have a problem with your business model when the actual point and product of your store is a mystery. Intrigue is great in movies, but not good for drawing customers.
Then, to top it off, in the front window, I saw this:
Uh, what the hell is a fist pumpkin?
Then I read it all together: Now Handling Fist Pumpkin.
Is this a sex shop? I think it's a sex shop. What else could that possibly mean? 14 ways to handle your sexual inuendos. That has to be a sexual inuendo, right? Like, you know, all those crazy names for kinky sex stuff--the Mushroom Stamp, the Rusty Nail, the Bill Cosby (I will admit, I know what two of the previous three actual mean, and I leave it up to you to wonder which ones). Now we add to that the Fist Pumpkin. Maybe it's reserved for Autumn only. Or maybe it involves a Jack o'Lantern or a pumpkin patch or a hayride.
In any case, I don't think I'll be dropping by 14 Handles anytime soon. Ooh, I just realized--maybe 14 Handies is a better name. Right? You get me?
UPDATED*****
There's a slight possibility that this place is indeed called 16 Handles. I could swear the sign said 14, but I was very distracted by all the pumpkins and the fists, so I could have misread it. Still...weird.
My brother said, No, I think it says 14 Candles. Like 16 Candles. Minus 2.
But no, when we walked in front of it, we deciphered: 14 Handles.
What do they sell? Handles for pitchers and mugs and jugs? Handles for buckets and pails? Briefcase and suitcase handles? Cooler handles? I guess it could be a legit niche business considering how many things in the world have handles.
The colors are all neon, though, so I'd thought it was a frozen yogurt shop or a place for smoothies.
You know you have a problem with your business model when the actual point and product of your store is a mystery. Intrigue is great in movies, but not good for drawing customers.
Then, to top it off, in the front window, I saw this:
Then I read it all together: Now Handling Fist Pumpkin.
Is this a sex shop? I think it's a sex shop. What else could that possibly mean? 14 ways to handle your sexual inuendos. That has to be a sexual inuendo, right? Like, you know, all those crazy names for kinky sex stuff--the Mushroom Stamp, the Rusty Nail, the Bill Cosby (I will admit, I know what two of the previous three actual mean, and I leave it up to you to wonder which ones). Now we add to that the Fist Pumpkin. Maybe it's reserved for Autumn only. Or maybe it involves a Jack o'Lantern or a pumpkin patch or a hayride.
In any case, I don't think I'll be dropping by 14 Handles anytime soon. Ooh, I just realized--maybe 14 Handies is a better name. Right? You get me?
UPDATED*****
There's a slight possibility that this place is indeed called 16 Handles. I could swear the sign said 14, but I was very distracted by all the pumpkins and the fists, so I could have misread it. Still...weird.
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