Fake Gingerbread Fake Village

A warning upon the notion of misrepresentation: when you see articles and blurbs on Time Out New York and such about how you simply need to go to Madison Square Park to witness in person the fantastically fun Gingerbread Village to celebrate the wintery holiday season, and even when you click on said articles and blurbs and view the pretty pictures, do not add it to your Must List. Instead, add it to your If I Want To Waste Hours Of My Time List. In fact, simply add it to no lists. Click away, walk away, build your own gingerbread house.

Flashback: Last year, S and I spent a lovely day learning at the New York Hall of Science while also taking a stroll down Gingerbread Lane which is exactly what it said it was: a lot of gingerbread houses built across a wall of the museum.

Flashforward: S and I stood on line for over an hour in the cold during SantaCon to walk through a gingerbread house that was not real gingerbread nor was it a village.

Village: a group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, situated in a rural area. (Thank you, Bing).

A group. A GROUP of houses. This is one house. 

Okay, so it's not a village. But it's a house, right? A gingerbread house.

S was disappointed because it wasn't real gingerbread. Nothing about it was real. Not the ginger, not the bread, and not the icing. I wasn't as let down because I didn't expect it to be real because squirrels and birds would eat it.

I did, however, expect a group of houses because it's supposed to be a village. I thought maybe there would be even cardboard 2-D houses and then one to walk through. Nope, this was it.

We stood on line because we were there already. At least we'd get to delight in whatever they thought the inside of a gingerbread house might hold. As we neared the outside, it was cute. Some decoration was questionable, but for the most part, cute.

Cute

We're adorable, too.

It's that square window in the middle panel that's questionable.

I have a version of this in which I smeared out the guard, but having the guard at the gingerbread house is funny.

One of eight pictures S took of me in various poses.

Cute

We wound around to the front and waited some more.  I went to check the other side to see if there was anything special around the house. There was not. However, there was this pretty tree next to us.

And across from us were where the hammocks have been outside of the Flatiron Building for a while. However, the hammocks were down; I'm guessing because of SantaCon.

SantaCon

Please explain.

Hammock holders

Cowboy Santa

No Hammocks Here

 Finally, we made it to the front! And then we went inside! And! Then!

You know how when you're a kid, you can take an empty cardboard box and turn it into anything you want? Like in 3rd or 4th grade, or maybe it was 5th, I made a time machine out of a cardboard box that probably once held a refrigerator and we used a real doorknob held on with duct tape (which was a really big deal from me because I didn't know you could just go to a hardware store and buy a doorknob) and on the inside were drawings we made of swans based on a book we'd read and a chair. Maybe S has a better memory of this than I do if she was involved in this project, and I think she was. Anyway, it was a cardboard box we turned into something neat.

Back to the gingerbread house. It was empty. Our cardboard box had more in it than this house. This house had a projector on the ceiling. Instead of furniture made out of gumdrops--even if the gumdrops weren't real!--they had projectors. The guy who pulled back the curtain behind the door to let us in told us that we could stand in front of each projection and move around and the images would move, too.

So that was it? Motion-sensored projections on the walls of a cardboard box?

By now, everyone should know my problem with motion-sensored anything. In general, doors don't open. Just last week, I was at FoodTown. I grabbed a cart and stood in front of the door. It wouldn't open. A woman came up next to me, grabbed a cart, and still, the doors wouldn't open. We both moved back and forth, further away and closer, and they wouldn't open. We expressed our dismay and disbelief until two other women without carts came up behind us and wondered aloud what we were doing. We explained that the doors wouldn't open for us. One of the women walked between us and the doors opened. I exclaimed, You have the magic touch! She didn't answer because, you know, me, so we all shuffled into the store quickly before the doors closed again.

Also, the sensor light on my garage has not been working at all. It comes on when you swing the car really wide across the street to come into the driveway. Other than that, it doesn't detect anything, and I wind up parking in the dark where the raccoons may lie in wait.

So back to the gingerbread. I spent a few minutes slinking back and forth in front of the projections, not getting much of a response, while right behind me, the children were jumping and delighting in cartoonish glee. S was not pleased, either.

The popcorn pops over the stove.

There's a tree that doesn't do anything.

The lollipops whir in a circle.

The snowman comes in and out of frame.

The gingerbread man stands up and then his other friends do, too.

This is mostly what I experienced. Nothing happening.

There's also a fireplace animation that shows photos people have taken and tagged with #holidayheritage. I have no idea what the hell that hashtag has to do with what we were doing.

When we came outside, we took a cute picture without the guard.

And then people were asking if it was fun and if it was worth it and S was like, if you want to waste your afternoon, and I was like, well there are cute interactive animations if you like that kind of thing but the line is too long, and S was like, No don't do it, again.

Then we went to Yamamama to meet up with LH and her sister, and that made it all better. If you plan to go next year to the gingerbread village, you can simply go to Yamamama and look at the lone standing fake gingerbread house from across the street.

To end my day on a fabulous note, I saw this on my way home. 

It's a dog in a coat on the train.

Train Time!

One year when I went to Fresh 102.7 in the Park for a free outdoor summer concert with D and T, we almost melted because it was over 100 degrees even after the sun went down. You know, the type of night when you sit without moving and still sweat. It was gross. Fun but gross.

A fun and not gross time is Fresh 102.7's Holiday Jam! It's in the winter! It's indoors! Yeay!

Eddie and I went to see Train because seeing Train at a smaller venue is the best way to see train. We were at the Hammerstein, not in the general admission stand in a crowd part, but up in the balcony with the ancient seats part. I actually wouldn't mind paying a few dollars more for them to upgrade their seats to be not broken.

With a chill in the air, we walked from Penn to Hammerstein in under three minutes and didn't have very long of a wait outside. As a bonus, we got FREE stuff! We got laminates that said Holiday Jam and had a coupon. We also got bracelets that lit up. The guy handing them out was like, Do you want one?

Want one? I want all the ones!

O.A.R. opened the show. There was one guy in the back up band we really enjoyed who was in the spotlight because he's from New York and it was his birthday. We liked him because he was dancing and putting on his own show. A lot of the crowd who was cheering seemed to be fans who travel to see them and they knew every song. We knew some of the songs and the rest were entertaining.

James Bay was up next. We thought it was going to be a little sleepy because he sings "Let It Go," not the song from Frozen, but the one by, well, him, and it's slow. Apparently, we don't know his music very well. He put on quite the upbeat frenetic show and then he sang "Let It Go." Then he covered "Proud Mary" and I kept insisting Tina Turner was going to come out as a surprise guest. She did not. Still, good cover.

Right after his set was done, a fight broke out in the crowd. Let me say that again: a fight broke out at the Holiday Jam after James Bay. Seriously, know your place, fight-pickers. It was a short fight. It was stupid.

Then it was time for Train. The members of Train are all clearly thankful for being able to play music, and they are clearly having fun. They played mostly known songs and they included the new "Play That Song" that a lot of people already know. Pat Monahan then said that the bassist was going to sing a song. But there was also a special guest! Nope, not Tina Turner. Sorry. But it was Matt Nathanson! So close!They all sang David Bowie's "Pressure" and it was phenomenal.

Free stuff. A bonus Nathanson. This is what the holidays are about.

Freebie Collection Day!

Right after my birthday, I travel around to various stores, collection my free birthday things that I've been offered through signing up for newsletters and joining free VIP clubs. I love this day, Freebie Collection Day. Eddie thinks of it more like Anxiety On The Verge Of A Heart Attack Day. His ideas about free stuff and my ideas about free stuff differ a little bit.

On my actual birthday, I went to Dunkin Donuts on my way to work and got a free iced green tea.

The day after my birthday, I went to Starbucks and got a free tall iced caramel macchiato. I could have gotten a bigger size, but with the amount of sugar that drink has, I was fine with the tall. I didn't want to go into sugar shock. When I ordered, I explained that I couldn't find the birthday offer on my app, but it had been there the day before. The cashier wished me a Happy Birthday and said that it would come up when she scanned my card. Then she wished me a Happy Birthday again.

On Freebie Collection Day, I started at Roosevelt Field. I got a free cleanser from Sephora. I had a choice between that and an eyeliner/lipstick combo. I've never had a choice before! The cashier wished me a Happy Birthday twice. This was fun.

I then visited Teavana for a free sample of tea. This is not birthday related. I simply always go there for a free sample. Then I headed over to David's Tea for the same reason. There, I actually bought something. They had travel tumblers on sale, marked down from $10 to $5, and that included filling it with what would be a $4 cup of tea. I paid for it with a birthday gift card, so, you know, free. And now that I signed up with a frequent buyer card, I got another free tea that I can go get, plus another free tea for finishing my profile. Two more await. All free. All for me. I also found that Jamba Juice has free samples, so I tried two flavors there. Yum.

Chatting with the Teavana gal

Being sold by two David's Tea staffers

Up in the food court, I hunted down where I could get a Chock Full O' Nuts coffee. The coupon I had said that I could get a $16 oz coffee in the food court, but there wasn't a Chock Store anywhere. Then I saw that one of the salad places sells that kind of coffee. I asked them if I could redeem my coupon there (while Eddie stood about a mile away from me). The cashier looked at the coupon all puzzled. Then she showed it to a manager. They both came over and told me I had to go to the place outside of La Bottega. So I asked, Even though the coupon says specifically to come to the food court, I have to go to the other place? They said yes. I said, Ok thank you!

Me haggling

Over in the corner, there's a pow wow going on.

So I headed over to the grill across the way that also sold Chock coffee. I showed it to the cashier. She didn't know what to do, so she showed it to the guy flipping chicken on a grill and another guy standing around doing what seemed to be, well, simply that--standing. There was a lot of conversation about this whole coupon. Then someone came out from the back, and they all showed her the coupon. She read it a few times, and then she said, Give her a cup of coffee. It was less of a Happy Birthday coffee and more of a Just give her a coffee dammit, but still, free is free.

We went to Green Acres mall for the second round. I had a coupon for The Pretzel Maker. The deal there is to buy a medium or large drink, and you can get free pretzel bites. Last year, the cashier gave me sort of a hard time, but then gave in. When I approached the counter, Eddie whispered, It's the same woman from last year! I wasn't sure that it was or not, but I was certain that after last year, I'd get my pretzels without a problem. I'd buy my drink with my birthday gift card, and it would all be free.

I showed the cashier my coupon, and she said, I don't know.

How do you respond to that? There was no question asked. The paper clearly explained the whole deal. So I went about explaining the whole concept: I did this last year. I come here, I hand you this coupon, I buy a medium drink, and you give me pretzel bites with it. Just scan the coupon. Look, your address is right here. It's your store. Okay?

She instead told me, I don't know. My manager isn't here.

I said, You don't need a manager.

She looked at the coupon and then asked, Is this your phone number?

I paused for a moment and then responded, No, it's your phone number. Like, for this store.

So then she asked for my phone number. I gave her a fake one because this was getting weird. She then asked what I wanted to drink. I asked for a medium lemonade, which would run me a little over $2. Then she told me the total was $4.69.

I wanted to respond, I don't know, but instead I asked, How is it $4.69 if the drink is only $2?

She was like, I told you I don't know, and waved the coupon at me.

So she asked for my order as if she would accept the coupon and then charged me for the whole order, though I'm not sure what she did exactly because pretzel bites are not $2 also, so the total should have been higher than what she said. I think she was making things up.

I politely took back my coupon and asked that she cancel my order. I went over to Eddie, who was standing about a mile away looking mortified, and told him I couldn't get my pretzels. He told me to write a very strong letter. I said I was already doing so in my head. (later on, I wrote an email to the company telling them that if they put a store on their coupon, they should inform the store of the promotion--the store doesn't have to participate, but then don't put it on my coupon. They responded by telling me that the stores are independently operated so they would alert the store of the issue. Meaning I'm not getting my pretzel bites. For shame, The Pretzel Maker, for shame!).

The approach

The explanation: It says it right here on this coupon.

The confusion

We walked over to Panera. I told the cashier I was there for my birthday treat. She wished me a Happy Birthday and told me to choose any baked item. I had another choice! I chose a large festive candy cookie.

Easy Peasy at Panera (also I'm noticing my ass looks like a box in this skirt)

Then we went to Baskin Robbins a few blocks away, and I got a free small scoop of chocolate chip ice cream. The cashier wished me a Happy Birthday.

I brought the cookie and the ice cream to my parents to enjoy. I told my brother that I would have had pretzels for him but the cashier "didn't know." He was okay with that.

Yesterday I took my coupon for a free Fribble to Friendly's. The cashier saw what was in my hand and told the other worker behind the counter, It's a birthday coupon. So I was like, Oh, you've seen this before! She was like, Happy Birthday, by the way. The other worker was like, Happy Birthday, and I was like, Can I have a chocolate Fribble please? Then she made a chocolate Fribble and handed it to me, telling me to enjoy the rest of my birthday. I brought it to my parents for them to share.

Go right ahead...I bet you can't even try to tell me this isn't the most adorable picture you've ever seen.

I also handed over my free meal from IHOP. I had my Pancake Revolution Anniversary last month for which I had a different free meal, so I probably won't make it to this birthday one. I have to see if they'll change my anniversary date so I can space out my free meals.

You see, it's not that I want all these free things for myself. I want to share the love. And I want people to continue to wish me a Happy Birthday.

Thanks, Toronto: Part 2

Eggsmart has great eggs and a knack for punning.

Heh heh heh

So this is where we ate breakfast, which was pretty delicious. We learned that Jersey Shore fries were basically regular french fries. Also, there are many different choices of spreads to put on toast.

Totally not posing

Definitely not posing

We caught a cab down to the Hockey Hall of Fame, and Eddie made yet another new friend by not asking for money back. The place hadn't opened yet so we took a quick walk around the block to find Toronto's flatiron building. We found lots of buildings, probably the tallest ones in downtown, but didn't find the one I was looking for. So we settled for these.

Then we headed back to the Hall of Fame, which was still not open. We checked out the outside first.

Fun Fact: The Hockey Hall of Fame is kind of in the basement of a shopping mall. We went inside the mall part to go to its actual entrance to wait. There were maybe forty people down there, not really in a line, but simply hanging out at the entrance.

Outside of the store on the main floor

I guess Eddie wanted to get in as much of the floor as possible.

Pretty ceiling of the shopping mall

A few minutes after 10, someone opened the gate and in we all went. I'd already bought our tix, so we gave them to the guy along with a coupon I'd found for free wristbands. That's right--FREE! We also bought a program that had a map in it. However, we didn't use the map. The HoF was pretty small, so we didn't really need it to find anything.

As soon as we got by the cashier, I was like, We're going to the Stanley Cup. He was like, huh? I was like, Let's go before there's a line. I don't know why everyone was checking out the jerseys in the display cases when they could go back to those at any time. I mean, what's the most important thing to see in the Hockey Hall of Fame? Eddie was like, oh good idea.

We were the first people in the Stanley Cup room and the only ones there for several minutes. We were allowed to take pictures of it and touch it. It's a replica, so they aren't too worried about someone knocking it over. The photographer took our picture for which I was not ready twice. Then we took a look at the old plates on the cup in the little room. Eddie started to look at the other stuff in the room, and I was like, Nope! We're going to play games first to avoid lines and then come back! He was like, oh good idea.

This is not the Stanley Cup, but it was in the same room.

Once in a lifetime picture, and I'm looking slightly to the right.

We got to the interactive games with only two people ahead of us. The first game was shooting against a goalie. We could choose Lundqvist, or one of the goalies from Toronto or Montreal. Eddie shot against Lundqvist. He got no goals. I shot against the Montreal goalie. I got one goal.

I AM BETTER AT HOCKEY THAN EDDIE IS! 

I WIN LIFE!

To hear Eddie tell the story, you'll learn how the computerized game was broken and he certainly got at least one in. Because, you know, he's better than the computer.

The next game was goal tending. Ahead of us were four people. When I say "people" here, I really mean children. You know, kids who are supposed to play games. The two right in front of us were pretty young, and man were they good! The mom said they used to live in NY and were Rangers fans, but now they live in Michigan. We told her about the MSG revamp and then her younger son distracted us all as he put on all the goalie gear, which was pretty much as big as he was. Then he blocked a bunch of shots without any fear. 

The line behind us was growing, so that's about when I decided I wasn't going to do it. It wasn't fear of embarrassment. I mean, come on, I'd already won at life by scoring more goals than Eddie did. It was more of not wanting to waste anyone's time. I knew what I'd do. As soon as a puck came at me, I was going to run away from it. The game lasted over two minutes plus the time it takes to put on and take off the equipment. Since I knew my score would be negative saves, I decided to not delay anyone's day.

Eddie went and saved more than half the goals. It was rather impressive.

After that, we went back to the beginning and looked at all the memorabilia. There were movies and interactive trivia games we could do. There was a lot of non-NHL stuff there, too, which was beyond my knowledge of hockey, but it was still interesting. They also had something called Hockey In Space that I'm still trying to figure out.

I realize, I'm a child. The guy's name is Dickie Moore, and on the sign it says Moore, Dickie.

The contract between the NHL and the cup keepers

The original travel box for the cup

We made our way back to here.

There it is again.

Hockey in Space?

Pretty ceiling

Friends

We saw everything, some things twice. Having visited the Baseball Hall of Fame, I thought this one was more compact. We finished more quickly than I thought we would. Soon enough we were heading upstairs to mall level and into the store where we could buy our Stanley Cup photo (the one in which I am looking a bit harried) and anything else we could want hockey-related. And I had a coupon for 10 % off. And I forgot to use it. Dangit. We got some pretty nice swag anyway, and then headed to find lunch.

And this is what happens when I climb stairs ahead of my husband.

We walked a lot in the sun and it was hot. We ducked into a pizza shop and Eddie asked for two slices for himself. I'd planned to find something else. But then the pizza came out of the oven and what they called two slices was really four, so I wound up eating pizza with him. It was a crazy size for a slice. Like picture two NYC slices together. Very generous, but very unnecessary.

And then I got Starbucks because I wanted to try a mini waffle cone drink thingie and vacation was the only time I'd try it. And it was good.

Off we went to see the Love Locks. We got a cab, Eddie made a friend, and we headed into the Distillery District. Since lots of Toronto reminded me of NYC, I figured there would be a fair amount of street vendors around selling overpriced locks for people who didn't have one. Nope, Toronto doesn't have that. So we settled on a few photos.

Back to the cabs to make another friend, and we went all the way across Toronto to find Honest Ed's. The main reason I wanted to go there was so I could point at Eddie and say, Hey that's you. Also, it has really discounted prices. Like, we bought an ornament there for 1.99, and in other stores, the same ornament was 19.99. So yeah, it was worth the cab ride. Also, once we were inside, we were transported to what seemed to be another world. It was weird in there, y'all.

What department is this?

Or this?

The Fun House Mirror Department

The weather started to take a turn from overly sunny to overcast windy. We walked down the main road to check out some of what we'd seen going by from the cab. There was a game happening on the college campus. He guessed lacrosse. I thought soccer. When we peeked through the gate, we saw it was frisbee.

Then came one of my most favorite moments. That weekend was something called Doors Open (or Open Doors--one of those). Lots of buildings across town allowed free entry along with talks and activities about architecture. I found this gem:

Oh, irony. I love you so.

Then we ventured into a basement bookstore and walked by some large dominoes.

The overcast turned to whipping wind, so we grabbed a cab, made a driver happy, and headed to our hotel to crash. Then I decided I needed to see the Toronto sign again, so I sat at the hotel room window staring at it for a while.

Then we watched Ant-Man on Netflix until the wi-fi gave out from too many people using it all at once.

I'll leave you with this to ponder:

One more time--what the heck is this?