Preparing To Buy A New Mattress

Thanks to Tempurpedic, I have a free idea about what one of their mattresses may feel like.

They sent me this FREE nifty little package that has arrows that helped me figure out how to open it.  It came with a FREE DVD about mattresses.  The little square I'm feeling is the material they make their mattresses out of.

Okay, so that little piece of material really isn't helpful in figuring out if the mattress would be good.  Eddie and I pondered taping it to his lower back for a night, but then decided against it, seeing that the little piece of foam is not thick enough to offer the full impact of a large mattress.  It would have been fun to try simply because I think taping things to people is fun.

Also, I'm learning how to use Moldiv!  Very exciting.  I can put words onto photos and make collages.  Yeay! Yes, still using the crap out of my iPhone to make it worth the price.

A Little Mixed Up

On the same day on the same side of the tracks, Eddie and I witnessed:

A beautiful garden (where Eddie got attacked by a bug--still pretty)

A possibly homeless man dodging in and out of traffic of four lanes to get to and from a gas station for no apparent reason

Three options for walking tours, shopping, historic, and by the water (it got too hot to walk them all, but we did some walking)

A drugged out woman, possibly a prostitute, waiting for her dealer

Yummy Italian food

An older woman in a fashionable outfit sitting on the corner of a sidewalk, on the curb, her feet in the street, smoking a cigar

Eddie and I hit the highway to hike a town over to get some Sonic to figure out what kind of town we'd just been in.

Just About Whole Less Three Teeth

With a week of fever and disillusionment, I was bound to my cell phone alarm reminding me to pop a pill and take my temperature.

Which one leads down the rabbit hole, Morpheus?

I got some energy and decided to try my hand at covering up the yellow bruises that were slowly creeping across my face.

Chin not usually this round

There was nothing I could do about the swelled up roundness. I should have paid more attention when the queens created high cheek bones on the most recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

But then something happened. Today I woke up and didn't have a fever and I felt as if last week didn't even happen. I'll take my chunky cheeks for a while longer, as long as I can still feel this good.

One Long Week

Got my teeth pulled on Monday. After the novocaine high, excruciating pain set in. The oxycodone helped. Then it wore off. I spent the night squirming in my bed having flashbacks to the extraction. I wanted to take another pain killer, but that meant I had to eat. I did not want to eat ever again because that would mean moving my mouth. Moving my mouth meant excruciating pain. Vicious cycle, huh? Also, my eating consisted of scooping half teaspoons of applesauce between my almost-closed lips and tilting my head back to make it all slide down my throat so I wouldn't have to move my tongue to swallow. Not something I wanted to do in the wee morning hours again.

And so I spent the next day like this:

Meanwhile in Eddie-land, the A/C in his office building stopped working. The same problem happened last week. They fixed it, meaning they didn't fix it. So during the beginning of the heat wave, Eddie was working in an office of over 100 degrees. He came home "not feeling right." Understatement much?

Early evening on Tuesday when the pain killers were wearing off, I started to actually feel what was going on with my body. I asked Eddie to take my temperature. It was 102. He thought he was reading it wrong, so I went to the bathroom and read it in the mirror. 102. Perhaps the fever had begun earlier and I hadn't known because I was preoccupied with the agony of eating and taking pills. The pills are on the larger side so I had to actually open my mouth to put them on my tongue. Cruel world. Cruel cruel world.

The next morning, Eddie went to work in shorts and a t-shirt and I went to the doctor about my fever which I'd had for over 24 hours. My glands were swollen. I'd called the oral surgeon and the dentist and the doctor's office, and they'd all asked me: Does your mouth hurt? to which I responded, Well, I suppose it hurts in the way anyone would feel after getting three teeth yanked out of their skull. Maybe I didn't use those exact words. Maybe I did. Who knows? I had a fever.

The doctor changed my meds and told me to take Motrin and Tylenol. Basically, I was going to get all drugged up. Which meant more smushed bananas and tapioca. Lovely. My fever reduced to 101.

Eddie came home looking wiped out. His tooth hurt. Sympathy pain. His head hurt. Heat wave in an un-air-conditioned office on an upper floor of a building. We visited my parents while the a/c in our place kicked on. My mom had leftover matzo ball soup. I ate it. I ate it as if I'd never eaten before. I shoveled it in spoonful after lovin' spoonful. My parents and Eddie watched in awe. Then Eddie and I returned upstairs where we sat in front of the a/c semi-conscious.

I never sleep with the a/c on. I hate a/c. Even during a heat wave, I turn it on and off. However, I slept on the couch for two nights, blasting the a/c. Fever during a heat wave? Ever try it? No? Good. Don't.

Thursday. A/C in Eddie's office was repaired. My fever lingered between 100 and 101. I threw three temper tantrums during the day. Why?

1. I had a fever that would not go away.

2. My body was achy from having a fever that would not go away.

3. Everything I was eating was smushed, mushed, smashed, or liquefied. I get nasty when I'm hungry and I'm used to eating solid food every two hours, so this whole malnutrition thing is not working for me. Not that it's malnutritious. I just don't like forces beyond my control mandating my menu.

4. My face was round.

5. My mouth ached terribly.

The last tantrum came about when Eddie offered me a bite of his PB&J. I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to bite into it so I did what any sane logical adult woman would do. I threw a piece of paper on the floor, jumped up and down hopping from side to side like someone learning to do a jumping jack, and then ran into the bedroom to pout on the bed. When he came in to console me, I jumped up shouting, I just took my pill I can't lie down!, and then ran into the living room where I proceeded to kick the couch cushions and throw a pillow.

He offered to squoosh down the sandwich. I said okay. He did so. I took a teeny bite. It was the best tasting PB&J I've ever had. But then swallowing it was a chore because it was so sticky. Cross that off the list until my jaw gets more mobile.

It's now Friday. I had a fever when I woke up somewhere around 100. I showered. Then I felt strange. Hmm. I felt, what's the word? Ah, better. I felt better. I still have a slight fever, but my glands aren't swollen anymore. I still have chipmunk cheeks but they aren't as round as they've been. Hopefully this week has been long enough and the weekend will bring no pain, no fever, no heat, a/c, and nothing smushed.

Rainy, Overcast, Humid Hamptons

Mentioning the Hamptons evokes visions of beaches, bonfires, rolling emerald lawns, sparkling diamonds, mansions, and summer time. In reality, the rain came down in buckets on the LIE as C and T questioned me, Why are we going to the Hamptons in the rain? It rained so hard at points that I couldn't see through the windshield. We kept looking at the sky ahead, seeing spots of blue that may not have been there, may have been wishful thinking. On the positive side, I thought, maybe Shecky's wouldn't be so crowded.

When we finally got there, found parking, ate lunch in the car, and walked a few blocks to the grounds, we found that it really wasn't as crowded as it has been in past years. And the rain had stopped. We did not stand on a line in the blazing sun to gain entry. What with the rain and arriving about an hour later than we normally did, this was working out in our favor. We got the tickets for our goodie bags and grabbed some free Honest Tea. While planning our next move, I tried to see what the booth we were standing in front was offering since it had stuff on it for curly hair. One of the gals behind the booth came out to us and gave us free samples. Then she came back a second time and said to me, You get a full sized product because your hair is fabulous.

Umm, yeah it is and yeah I do. This was why we drove out to the Hamptons in the rain. Free stuff and compliments from strangers.

Free Stuff

Fabulous hair

We got drinks from the La Croix tent and saw that this year there was no cocktail mixing class. The drinks were still good. We made our laps and got our bags. The bags themselves were cheap plastic gift bags, but the samples inside were neat, especially the little wristlet that I suppose is for carrying around tampons since it matches the Tampax box, but I'll use it to carry anything else. There were three books they were giving away, and each bag had two of them. Lots of the women throughout the day kept removing these books from their bags and leaving them on tables and windowsills, and I kept snatching them up so I could give them away or sell them. No one seemed to want to read Waking Up Married as I'm now the owner of three.

The ground was soggy, in some places muddy, (no longer raining!) but we trekked on in circles, looping around for drinks and merchandise. We saw a lot of cute stuff, but nothing really caught my fancy as much as the curly hair product, and since I already owned a bottle, I was done with my purchases. Oh! We also got buttons from some outdoor tourism thingie. We didn't sign up for anything, but we took their buttons because they said Silly and Happy and Excitement, and we like free buttons. The guy locked eyes with T and was like, You don't want to sign up? And she was like, Nope. He asked, But you'll take my buttons? She was like, Yup. I had turned around to avoid eye contact so I didn't have to have that awkward conversation. But we got all the buttons we wanted. For free. We like free.

We headed out of the Hamptons when we realized the humidity was setting in. It got suddenly hot. Still a mix of sun and clouds. Still not raining any more. But the air became thick and gross. It was time to get out of the Hamptons on a high note of free stuff.

Without Missing A Beat (But Maybe A Few Steps)

Take note of the labels for this post. It's been a long time since I've been able to label anything Dancing, S. Too long.

We arrived at the fixed-up-after-Sandy Jones Beach around 8. Just in time for the instructor to stop teaching and let the music play. She came down off the stage to mingle and dance. S and I walked around to our usual spot and found a lot of extra space because the bleachers have not yet been installed. The extra space was nice to have so we could stand to the side and do ministeps in trying to pick up the dances they were doing. We jumped in on one dance called Toes and did our best to remember it. Oooh, we were rusty. It's a dance we've done so many times, but there was one step we just couldn't get right. We managed to get our way through.

Basically, all the other people who dance in between the instruction are the people in the instructor's classes. She mentioned maybe twenty times that she had her cards up on stage if we wanted her contact info and we could find her on Facebook. She also pointed out the two banners that showed her information. Good plugging. But I'd appreciate more teaching.

However, I don't appreciate shame teaching, which is part of her style. As she teaches, we hear, Oh I see you there faking it or pointing out people that are having a bad go of it. She sometimes rags on her students, but they know her, so it's all in fun. The worst of it was when a man was clearly there only to please his date (wife? girlfriend?) and he went to leave the floor after the first few steps because he was stumbling pretty badly. She called out from the stage, Don't you leave! I see you! You can't leave! You're new, so I won't get on you too much!

Umm, one of those things is not like the other. The calling him out and making him stay on the floor is the opposite of not getting on him too much.

He managed to stay for that dance, but then found a way to sneak off the floor for the next and stand to the other side, where S and I usually wait. His date stayed out on the floor, dancing, and then he joined her later on, in the back, where he probably wouldn't get called out.

Despite the crazy amount of room without the bleachers, S and I were magnets for dancers who kind of knew what they were doing but didn't know completely. That meant we were up in their space and they were up in ours because of hesitation and not moving in the right direction. At one point, it looked like a very tall man was actually dancing with S as her partner because he wedged himself between his row and our row, between the two of us. Every time I moved over to make more room, the space would be filled by other people. It was humid and gross out, so more people in close proximity was the opposite of what I was trying to do.

After learning a new dance, the instructor told everyone to make rows that face each other. Oh no. We were dancing a contra. That means your line goes one way and the line facing you goes the other, and then when you do a certain turn, you go towards the line in front of you, pass the people, turn around, and face them in the other direction. The people we were facing knew what they were doing but were having trouble with going left when we were going right. Somehow they winded up maybe a mile away from us so when it was time to turn and switch places, we were pretty much running to keep in time with the music and get past them. It was quite the workout. Next time, I told S, we should be opposite each other because the girls in the two rows in the back were high fiving each other whenever they switched places.

There was another break and then some more teaching. Then the instructor put on The Cupid Shuffle. This is the main dance S does at work. She can't escape it. It's pretty simple, too, because for the most part, the lyrics tell you what to do: to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right. to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left. Now kick baby kick baby kick baby kick. Then you do a mini paddle to quarter turn. Very simple. The dance floor got a jittery energy because everyone seemed to be in the groove, having fun, and no one was being shamed.



During the evening, we saw some of the regulars we remembered from the last time we were there. We also saw the Catholic sisters from Jean's class and that made it feel like home. No Jean however. Sigh.

The Four Faces Of Novocaine

Turns out that I didn't need two wisdom teeth pulled. I went to the oral surgeon this morning. My mom came with me at Eddie's insistence. She'd offered and I said nope, and then he said, Ask your mom to go with you. So I asked my mom to go with me.

I filled out maybe 47 forms, give or take a few, and then it was off to get an x-ray in one of those machines that circles around your head. The assistant told me to bite down, close my lips, close my eyes, and stay still. I did that. She kept saying, Just a moment...keep still...in a minute. Then there was a lot of typing and scanning sounds, but nothing came around my head. The dentist came by and asked what was going on. Apparently, the machine was not working. I was sitting there for ten to fifteen minutes, biting on the plastic thingamajig, and they couldn't get an x-ray. They kept apologizing, but I was like, yup, technology does that.

Instead of having me sit there, the assistant took me into the exam room and the dentist asked why I was there. I explained that I had gum pain and the other dentist said I needed my two wisdom teeth pulled. He looked at them and said, Yes, one's infected, one's decaying, and they need to come out. Then he asked, Are we doing this today? I said, Yes, yes we are. So he asked me to initial and sign maybe 36 forms, give or take a few, and then the assistant showed me the other places where I needed to initial because apparently I don't know how to fill out forms.

Finally, the x-ray machine started working, so they quickly got me into the chair and I bit down on the plastic and whirrrrrrrrr, it worked. Once they saw the x-ray in the exam room, the dentist said, You need that other wisdom tooth pulled, too...Has it given you any trouble? I said not really. He asked if I wanted to do it while I was there. I figured I should do it all at once, so he said, Okay we'll do all three.

Let me repeat: I needed three teeth pulled. All three all at once.

In prepping the instruments, all of which looked like they belong in a carpenter's belt, he asked me how old I was. My immediate answer was, How old do you think?, because that's my answer to that question all the time. I'm not used to going to medical offices, so I didn't stop and think that maybe he was asking because he needed to know my age for some medical purpose. However, I followed up with, I'm 34, and he said, Oh wow really?...I thought 26 or 27 or 28. I said, Thanks! On the inside, I was thinking, Damn you, I'm forever 22.

Anyway, the novacaine needles began. They hurt a lot, but he and the assistant kept saying that I was the best patient ever. He apologized with every new prick of the needle, and when they pulled their hands out of my mouth they both said I was an A+ patient. Either they say that to everyone to make them feel better or I can't imagine what the hell people do in that chair--scream? cry? punch? The assistant left to take care of x-rays and the dentist remained behind, checking to see how numb I was feeling. We had a quick discussion about my skeevation of the saliva vacuum, which he found puzzling and unique, and then he lightly brushed his hand across my chin to see if I could feel it and oh my oh my it was the trippiest feeling ever. He said, we're almost ready then.

And then the extraction began. Left side first, the one that was not planned. As soon as he began, he asked if I was as stubborn as my tooth. Apparently, it did not want to come out. There was a lot of drilling, a lot of water spraying into my mouth, a lot of his asking me if I was feeling pain, a lot of them both telling me I was doing well, a lot of his saying he hates hurting people, a lot of cracking sounds, and then a lot of yanking. Then more drilling because it wouldn't budge. Then, finally, out. Stitches. The weirdest sensation of thread being tied through my gums.

Right bottom. Drilling. Cracking. Drilling. Apologizing. Cracking. Yanking. Apologizing. Drilling. Cracking. Yanking. Boom. Out. Stitches.

Right top. This involved lots of cracking first. He was happy about that for some reason. Then it involved some water drilling and cracking, but it also involved basically smashing my head to the left a lot. I'm not saying he mashed it down with his gloved hand, but it sure did feel that way. Lots of yanking and smashing and shaking until yank. Out. Stitches.

He smiled, You're all done. I smiled, Yeayyyyy. He went to work smash around some other patient's head. The assistant said she was going to clean me up, and I answered, Can I see them? She responded, What's that? Because my mouth was full of gauze and the novocaine was permeating my entire lower head, so it came out like, alsdkjfl;ksdjhlkjg;lkj;lsafjk;as? I said it again slowly and made hand gestures, and she understood and seemed a little shocked that I wanted to see them. She showed me each one and told me where they'd come from. One was in parts. They looked exactly the way teeth look, root and all. She then gave me instructions and I was off. The receptionist also reminded me that I needed to eat before taking my medication. She said it twice because, as she said, they are some powerful stuff.

It was then that I was happy my mom was there because going to CVS by myself with a mouth full of gauze and a numb head would have been a bit difficult. I tried talking to her in the car, and the two of us could not stop laughing. She couldn't understand a word I was saying.

I couldn't tell if my mouth was open or closed, so I kept asking her, and when we got to CVS, she handed me a pen and paper so I could communicate. When we handed the pharmacist my scripts, she asked for DOB, and my mom? Couldn't remember it. Nice. I handed the pharmacist my license instead, and then my mom was, however, able to provide my phone number. We waited for the meds. The pharmacist came over and told us that she could fill the antibiotic but not the Percocet because every CVS was out of it. I wasn't too concerned right then. I was so numbed up that I figured it couldn't hurt that bad to need a controlled substance.

This is how much I wasn't worried:



A new fun game for everyone to try is Percocet Scavenger Hunt. It's where you go to lots of different pharmacies as the novacaine wears off, trying to get them to fill your prescription. After three pharmacies, I finally got it. It was good timing because the pain started to set in. I realized that numbness was much better than not numbness. I couldn't take the pill, though, because I hadn't eaten anything since 9 AM and it was now 1:30. The receptionist had said to eat something, so I had to eat. How was I going to eat if I couldn't feel my lips or my tongue? I wasn't. So I waited with ice packs on the sides of my face. I checked my online class and typed with one hand, holding one ice pack on one side with one hand and the other ice pack on the other side between my cheek and my shoulder. Then the novocaine started wearing off where my teeth used to be.

To say I was unprepared for the amount of pain I'd be in would be to say that the Titanic was a remote controlled toy boat that got a little water in it. Oh, the agony. I'm not one to take pills. I usually work through any pain by breathing and focusing on something else. The kind of pain that started to emerge in my mouth made me want to down the entire bottle of Percocet along with any other pill I could possibly find.

I ate first. I could barely open my mouth and it was still partially numb, so I shoveled itty bitty bits of cottage cheese in. When that was finished, I tried an avocado. It wasn't soft enough to simply swallow, so I tried chewing with my front teeth. What I found was this: moving your mouth after surgery causes even greater pain. To counteract the pain, I put my ice packs to my cheeks and marched around the house in circles like a crazy person, hoping that this would somehow make the pain go away. It did not. My mom the Super Mom arrived home from the supermarket with food that does not need to be chewed. I had some apple sauce. I had some Jell-o. I took the Percocet. I had some more apple sauce. I then told her I was going to mash some bananas I had upstairs. She smiled and said, you don't have to, and she handed me a small jar of baby food. It was bananas. Is my mom the best or what? I ate the jar of baby food.

As of right now, I have no throbbing pain. It hurts to move my mouth, so I'm not moving it. I have stopped icing my cheeks because the cold of the ice hurts. I am also tripping on the Percocet. Everything seems fuzzy. The bottle says not to drink alcohol while taking the pills. I don't know why anyone would considering I feel drunk already. Even my ears feel tingly. If I have to choose between pain and this, I'll take this, but if I have to choose between this and sobriety and being able to eat solid food and open my mouth more than a centimeter, screw the pills and give me my avocado.

Smart, Dumb, Guilt, Fun

After years of owning my Nokia slide phone and even more years of owning any kind of Nokia, I find myself guilty and ashamed for tossing aside my brand loyalty in getting a new phone that is not only not a Nokia, but it's also not a dumb phone.  It's smart.  And the guilt increases when I admit, It's just so pretty!

Eddie, his sister N, his mom, and I signed up for a family plan with T Mobile because I've had T Mobile for what seems like forever (brand loyalty much?), and they have a pretty sweet deal.  Sure we have to buy our phones at full price, but we can pay for them in interest free installments and we have no contract, only an agreement to pay at a set rate so they can't turn around and say, haha now pay us a billion dollars plus the phone installments.

This all might seem so simple, and it should have been.  We went to the store in the evening and met a nice salesman who was so knowledgeable and friendly.  He gave me a high five for being a T Mobile customer already.  He said we could up my discount from the 15% I get as a SUNY employee to the 18% CUNY employees get.  Yeay, discounts!  They are second best to Free Stuff.  We went home to figure out numbers and returned the next day to get the plan.

I stood at the counter for two and a half hours.  Eddie came in and out of the store, once bringing me unsweetened iced tea because I was about to die of thirst, having finished my mini bottle of water that I thought would be enough for a quick trip to the SI mall.  N and his mom came in and out, too.  Everyone came in and out, even our niece who could have pitched a fit out of boredom withstood the two and a half hour ordeal.

What we found with the second guy was a more serious approach to salesmanship.  He was doing all the work under his co-worker's name since the co-worker was off for his birthday, so he was basically doing all the work for no credit.  We also found that there is no 18% discount. Yup, while Mr. High Five Man was making friends, he was also lying to our faces.  I said loudly, Now I'm pissed.  This was at the end of hour one.  The store manager who was next to the guy helping us said, We go up to only 15%.  That's it.  That's all she said.  She didn't apologize or inquire further.  So Eddie said, Maybe you should tell that to all your sales people so they don't misinform your customers.  She stood there and said nothing.  Great management skills.

After the two and a half hours, we said thank you a bunch of times and then said goodbye and I walked out with a brand new iPhone 5 smart phone in white.  I have yet to get a cover for it, but I did already download all the things I've wanted to play with for a long time: Instagram, Vine, those apps to make photo collages, Ruzzle, and Seven Little Words.  I'm finding that I'm looking at my email without having to drag out my laptop and I can see my Groupons and Living Social offers without having to sift through thirty five emails.

Look at how creative I am:

FYI: She's going through my recycling. Thought that was illegal.

I could have also taken pictures when we went bowling during which I scored the lowest score Eddie has ever seen me bowl.  Eddie and I have been bowling twice.  Both times, I scored in the mid-triple-digits, two gigantic flukes.  He's been under the impression that I simply have low-bowler-esteem, but finally, now, he's seen the true bowler in me.  That bowler is blind and has a clothespin for an arm.  Our niece beat me, and while she was using bumpers, it wasn't for the entire game.  I didn't take pictures, though, because I have no case for my phone and I was petrified of dropping it.

I could have taken pictures of our bbq on July 4th, but I didn't because I have no case for my phone and I was petrified of dropping it.  My brother grilled.  My parents attended.  We all had a swell time at the party Eddie's sister basically planned at our place when she was planning her trip back here from GA.  Really, it was a fantastically fun week, marred only by the sudden onset of grumpy gums, sending me to urgent care on the morning of the 4th with the fear of having an infection so bad that my jaw was going to disintegrate (it didn't) and then to a dentist the next day while the rest of the gang went to the amusement park.  While they were riding flying elephants and the merry-go-round, I was chit-chatting with a Nassau student who was studying to be a radiologist and working in the dental office, getting my gums numbed, having planing and some other dental work done, and then setting up an appointment to have my two wisdom teeth extracted next week, one of which "has quite a bit of decay" but has not decayed to the nerve. Yet. 

Anyway, so despite my teeth getting dumber, my phone has gotten smarter, and we spent the week with family we don't get to see much.  That falls in the win column. 

Free Selfies

Today I got TWO free things in the mail!

I also took my first set of selfies using Instagram filters for the first time using my brand new iPhone 5! The iPhone was not free. It was the opposite of free. Therefore, I must use the shit out of it to make it worth the cost. Looking forward to many more Instagram-filtered selfies.

Not So Superman

With a theatre of about a hundred empty seats, this is what appeared in front of us as Eddie and I waited for Man Of Steel to begin.

The one on the left said to the other one, should we sit in front of these people? As if we couldn't hear. The one on the right said, what? you don't sit in front of people? Whatever that means. Then they moved to the middle of the row. Then they came back, agreeing that these seats were better.

I have no problem with people sitting on an end, but if the theatre is empty, do you have to sit in the two seats right in front of us? Following their settling in, which took several minutes of moving and shaking, the one on the right got up and went to the bathroom. I know this because she loudly announced that she needed to go to the bathroom. When she came back, she could not find her sweater. I know this because she practically climbed over the back of her seat, making it recline into Eddie's lap, and then asked him if he saw her sweater anywhere. Shocked, Eddie was like, Um, I'm sorry? She repeated that she couldn't find her sweater. He craned is neck under the reclined seat in his lap and said there was no sweater. She leaned forward and he said, She didn't even say thanks.

She found her sweater. She was sitting on it. Then she somehow got the chair to recline back into an almost lying down position to watch the movie. Whenever people tried to get in and out of the row, she and her friend didn't move. They said they couldn't move out of the way. When you sit on an end, you need to be able to maneuver to let people go by. Or you can stand the fuck up. They did neither. They obviously have no idea about theatre ettiquette. We couldn't move because the theatre filled up pretty quickly. That and we were there first and we were not giving up the territory we'd claimed.

Once the movie began, I realized that it was going to be exactly what I thought it was going to be--the entire story of Superman. Not like Clark Kent running through the city, whirling around in a phone booth, and saving the day. No, it was the planet Org or whatever and he was being born. The entire life story of Superman.

Sidenote: Since I had no desire to see this movie, I had no idea who was in it, so I was surprised to see Kevin Costner come across the screen.

As soon as Superman's mom--I'll call her Helen--gave birth to him, the baby started crying. Then the baby made baby noises. Then I said, You've got to be kidding me, under my breath because the noises were not coming from Helen and Baby Superman. They were coming from the infant behind me and Eddie who was there with his or her parents. Seriously? An infant?

So there I was, watching a movie I had no interest in seeing, stuck between two generations, neither of which know movie ettiquette. After about two hours, I wanted Superman to die. The city was destroyed on screen and suddenly the bad guy reappeared. Seriously? More mid-air fighting? More destruction of pretty buildings. Yes, Superman, you have to sometimes kill people to save the day. Ooh, should I have made a Spoiler Alert? Eh, anyone who needs one shouldn't go see this movie anyway, especially not when two little old ladies and a great giant baby are in attendance.