Jon Lovitz Is A Car Salesman

Imagine buying a car from this guy. We did. Kinda. Eddie and I looked around for cars online. Then we headed out, armed with a list of every dealership in the vicinity. We headed out very early and began our mission at Chevrolet. As soon as we walked in, a salesman came over and asked what we were looking for. Eddie wanted a car. The salesman showed us a Malibu and gave a demonstration about how the door makes a specific, unique sound when it closes because, hey that's quality and that's American. The whole time, I was thinking, I know this guy from somewhere.

We moved on to a smaller car, the Cruze. The inside was black and red with a very cool dash that lights up. Eddie asked about i-Pod docks. I asked about how it handles in the snow. I liked the Cruze better. Even thout it was smaller, Eddie liked it better, too.

We took it out for a test drive. I say we because we both tested it.

We left the dealership to shop around. The salesman was like, no problem. If you like the car, come back. If you find something better, then it was nice meeting you.

I don't know if that's reverse psychology or if that's the way he really feels, but I liked it. I liked not being pressured. So did Eddie. We went across to Honda to look at the Civic and the Accord. The salesman there said the un-magic words--What can I do to get you in a car today? Um, nothing. Oh, unless you're giving it to us.

We went back across the street, which is where Chevy is. I knew that Eddie was going to go back to the Cruze. So as we sat at the desk waiting for the salesman to come back with the paperwork, I leaned over to Eddie and asked, Do you know who Jon Lovitz is? Without a beat, he goes, Oh my God I knew he looked like someone! Heh heh heh.

After paperwork and going from desk to desk and signing things, Jon Lovitz came over and handed Eddie the keys. I clapped for him and said, Yeay! Then Jon Lovitz handed me the second key and I was like, Hells yeah!

And that's how Eddie now owns a 2011 black Chevy Cruze with a black and red interior, equipped with OnStar and XM Radio, both of which run out after 60 days or so. Technically, he doesn't own the car. He's leasing, which gives us a chance to see how the car runs. If after three years he still loves it, he'll buy it out. If not, we can move on. In any case, right now, he's got a way to get to and from wherever he needs to go. I suppose this is the silver lining from that stupid lady totalling his car on the Belt Parkway. Or maybe it's a bronze lining because while the car is really nice, we now have another bill to pay. The lining could be gold if the stupid lady had to pay for the new car. Ah, that would be real justice. But I'll take what we have now--a car and an almost healthy Eddie, who is still seeing the chiropractor, but things are getting better every day.