Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bang On The Drum All Day

Health and wellness and beauty, oh my. A free fair for all things associated with these three categories is right up my alley. S's sister was presenting at it, so she invited me, AK, T, and D to participate in the activities in Island Park, at a place where I used to go on the weekends to drink and dance. My, how different places look through sober eyes.

At the front table, stacks of free bags stood for the taking. AK took one of each because that's what she does; she's really good at getting free stuff.

The two of us made our way to the back room where most of the presenters were. We walked by a booth that had health bars. I tried a peanut butter bar. It did not taste like peanut butter. I don't know what it tasted like other than bad.

We found S, D, and T standing near a window, admiring the gazebo. T decided that we all needed to get married there because it was so pretty.

We walked around to see what free things we could get in addition to the bags and Natural Awakening magazines that we'd received at the first table. We saw some very cute shirts that had fun sayings about fitness. I nudged T and was like, that's the wrong its, right? The shrit said: If its physical, its therapy. She was like, no one cares about apostrophes any more. So then I continued, yeah but it is the wrong its, right? She was like, yes yes it is.

We then went to another table to taste the chewable vitamins. They stuck in my teeth. The guy at the booth then got in my face and was like, do you want to support your illness? I was like, no, I don't want to support illness--that sounds bad. He started to talk again but instead, I asked to see the bottle to read what was in the vitamins. Basically they were an overdose of Vitamin C--anything over 100% daily recommended dose you pee out--and an overdose of Vitamin A--which can be toxic because it's a fat soluble vitamin. Accutane users beware. This booth was a sham so I walked away.

We found a Tupperware table. Those ladies are pushy. I signed up for the drawing. That turned into my signing up to host a party. The head woman shoved a plastic stick at me and suggested I have a Tupper Tini party. My best guess: a party at which I show Tupperware and serve martinis. My friends were very supportive of my hosting a Tupperware party. I looked at them and was like, you guys think this party is actually happening. The women were persistent so I told them that I was a teacher and no party would be happening until the summer months came. The head woman then exclaimed: You can have a Patio Tupper Tini party!

FYI: The plastic stick turns out to be a citrus peeler. I don't know how to use it. I do know that T was the only one of us who didn't get one so she went back inside to get one when we had started off to the other room.

Then came the raw balls. D, T, and S had overheard one of the many, many chiropractors there tell the woman he was working on that she had to try the raw balls.

In any context, that sounds dirty. In the context in which a man has got his hands on a woman and suggests it, it's even dirtier.

D and I decided to try to them. Turns out, they were macaroons. We got samples of the banana berry. I liked it. At first. D liked hers, too. Then mine took a turn for the worse. S said that the look on my face showed that I wasn't really enjoying it. No, no I was not. So to recap, everything I put in my mouth that night was horrible.

We went to find something to drink. I desperately wanted to wash off my tongue. Wewent to the front room and found a coffee table. They had samples for free and cups for sale. All I wanted was a sip of something to get out the tastes lingering from the chewable vitamin and raw ball. However, the girl behind the coffee table had something else in mind. Actually, I think her mind was completely blank. The five of us stood there waiting and waiting for her to help us and she kind of stared off at us and didn't acknowledge we were there. Nice sale. We left.

Thank goodness for almond milk. A woman was giving away free samples of the milk she makes. It was good. My tongue was happy to have something other than horrendous.

The next table we found was for pure cotton tampons and pads. The girl had run out of samples but explained to us that we should be very careful not to put synthetics or chemicals near, on, or in our vaginas.

S's sister's presentation was coming up so we headed to the center of the room. She was conducting a drum circle. The chairs filled up so we didn't have to stand in. We got to hold percussion instruments. We participated by drumming to our own rhythms. It lasted quited some time and attracted the attention of a guy with a video camera and microphone so T and D spent some time angling away from the camera. It was a lot of fun. S's sister obviously loves what she does and was really excited, which made everyone in the circle really excited. She was good with the younger girls who were there too. It was fun to watch little girls participate alongside the adults.

When the circle was over, we started go to get more bags from the front table but then instead went to see the raffle. We won nothing but did get bamboo plants from the feng shu booth. For free.

To recap, the free stuff we'd gotten: a reusable bag, a magazine, a citrus peeler, a piece of a peanut butter bar that tasted like crap, an extreme chewable vitamin that tasted like crap, piece of a raw ball that tasted like crap but only a little bit, a small sip of almond milk that tasted like heaven (but that judgement can be skewed because of the prior crap intake), and a bamboo plant. I'm very happy I did not pay for this event.

Once again, we headed to the front door to get more bags. Instead, we got snagged by the Fios 1 guy, the guy with the camera. He asked something about us knowing each other. No one knew how to answer that. He asked again and I figured out what he meant, so I said, we came here separately but we know each other and didn't meet for the first time tonight. I don't know why that mattered because he said all he wanted to do was get a few answers from us so he could go home. At first, T decided to hide behind me because that's the best place to hide, behind the shortest person. But then she ducked out of the shot totally. I wound up answering most of the questions.

What was the best thing we did?
The drumming (duh--I'm good at promotion).

How did we feel afterwards?
Relaxed, such a sense of release.

What else?
Umm, we got plants.

At this point, I started to have flashbacks to the interview after the Revlon Run Walk. That did not go over so smoothly either.

What else?
We got other free stuff.

Is it a girl's night out?
AK said, yes but with no alcohol.

Then he asked the same question. His asking skills were not great. I said yes again and echoed what AK said.

Then he asked us to say a lot of stuff all at once, like a sign off line, and we were like, what the? He quickly did a countdown and we all laughed instead of saying it so he counted down again and we said it as if we were born to say it. Don't ask me what it was. I can't remember it. It was something about watching Fios 1. We're famous. Or we're in some Japanese porn. Again.

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