Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Yoga For Sleepers

Tony Horton's P 90 X yoga is not my cup of yogi tea.

Fact: Yogi Tea is an actual brand. I usually drink Trader Joe's Green Tea. That's not the point here.

The point here is that Tony Horton sucks as a yogi. I can't stand his yoga instruction. I'm all for his "Don't smash your face" mantra. When he tells me that I can do anything for 30 seconds, I believe him (for the moment). The ideas of "Engage!" and "Breathe!" are very good ideas that I can get behind. But his yoga style is not a way to get me to stay on my mat for an hour and a half.

So instead, I've been replacing yoga day with Yoga Zone. I have a power yoga routine on VHS that I've been doing on and off since VHS was a popular form of entertainment. Eddie has been doing it along with me because we've had yoga on the same day. Eddie has gotten through the tape by making such commentary as "Where did that duck come from?" (there are several birds in the outdoor scene where the three yogis are doing yoga--none are ducks, but he likes to call them ducks) and "Nice green shorts and pink shirt" to the guy wearing green shorts and a pink shirt and "There's no way he's getting that" also referring to the guy in the green shorts and pink shirt after I told him that the guy is married to the woman leading the yoga routine, a pretty blonde girl. Who, as Eddie has pointed out, apparently has camel toe.

This week, Week 4, is a restorative week meant to change up the routine and transition into the next phase of P 90 X. To keep things interesting, I switched out our yoga routine from Yoga Zone to Shiva Rea's Yoga for Beginners, which first led him to such commentary as "Shiva Rea Leonard?" and "There are two things you need to do yoga--join a cult and have camel toe." Apparently, Shiva Rea has camel toe also.

Then his snark disappeared as we went through the routine. At first, he complained that he was having a problem simply sitting. However, as we moved between poses, he realized that Shiva Rea likes to lie down a lot. The routine was over an hour, but a lot of the time until the very end, she instructs you to lie down on your stomach and rest with your head on your hands. Basically, we were laying there. At one point, I looked over at him and he was contentedly lying down with a big smile on his face. He mumbled, "Hmmm, I like this pose." By the end, I was bored out of my mind and he was a changed man, ready to join a cult and hike up his pants.

Next yoga day, I'll be doing Tony Horton's Yoga By The Bad Yogi and Eddie will be doing the yoga routine for people who like to sleep. I'll be in pain and he'll be in heaven. Yeay for working out together.

No comments: