Thursday, March 22, 2012

Accidental Almost Circle Jerk

Eddie and I have a list of things we want to do together. We do things here and there throughout the year, going on one big date once a month and then maybe three other dates throughout the rest of the month, the rest of the time being spent working and dueling with those rods you use to turn your blinds.

As our two year anniversary of our first date approached, I came home to find a sign hanging in the kitchen from the cupboards, the first thing visible as I walked in. He was there too, all smiles. I was like, What did you do? He was like, Read the sign. It was a clue. I was on a scavenger hunt.

So I followed each clue through the rooms of the house. I found the final clue in the chest in our living room that said we were going on a date to the Museum of Sex to celebrate. Yeay! Then Eddie explained that he thought a scavenger hunt would be fun but never did one and actually googled how to set one up. Awwwwww.

We'd bought a Groupon for the museum a few months back. I guess it was on the list because a lot of museums in NYC are on the list. So there we were--heading to the sex museum early in the morning on a weekend. What better way to kick off the weekend?

I'm not a prude. Okay, well, after walking into the lobby of the museum which is also its gift shop, I found that perhaps I am a prude. I think that I'm not a prude only after 11 AM. Maybe. I don't know. What I do know is that there was a bicycle built for two set up in the entryway and if you peddaled it, a penis attached to the front of it would move back and forth. Remember, this is only the gift shop; still, I don't think that was for sale.

In addition to the permanent collection that is about animals having sex--we saw not only a whole lot of monkeys having sex, but also all kinds of creatures diddling themselves--the new exhibition was about the history of sex and film.

So basically, we walked into a room with strangers--and those strangers at the sex museum were very very strange--and watched porn with them. Immediately, Eddie was looking around all creeped out, not by the porn but by the people's faces while staring at the porm. I acted as if I were in a completely normal museum and read the stuff on the walls and pointed out interesting facts about porn. I also found out that cartoon porn is the best kind of porn because it's not really gross like a lot of live action porn. Who knew? Now you do.

We spent about an hour tops in the museum. When we got back out into the fresh air, we both felt a little less clean. Happy Anniversary!


A Red Mind in a Blue State said...

My college-senior daughter in an email:
Uh.... how would you guys feel if I worked at a sex shop?
No one else is hiring. And I can get you discounts on shit.
I'm actually serious though about the working there part.
Love you!
My response:
Depends on how big a discount.

Mom already has a frequent-shopper savings card that's pretty sweet.
I know I was joking...

Christina said...

Heehheheeeee! This? Is Hil.Air.Eee.Us. The only way it wouldn't be hilarious is if it invovled me and my own dad. It's always funny when it's someone else.