Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Rated Age Appropriate

Savages is a movie that is aptly named.  Going into it, anyone should realize it is not going to be about rainbows and sparkles.  It's not the type of movie I always go for, but the commercials looked intriguing and it's Oliver Stone so I gave into the fact that I was going to watch a movie that would most likely be violent, involve drugs, and almost be pornographic. 

So when some guy walked into the theatre with his four children in tow, I nudged Eddie and was like, What's happening there?  He shook his head and rolled his eyes.  The girl -- yeah there was a girl -- was like thirteen.  The three boys were probably between fourteen and maybe seventeen.  So out of the four, at an R rated movie, only one of them could have been there without their dad. 

Did I mention that to get into the theatre, Eddie had to show his ID because one of us had to be 21 to go in?  Yeah, that's a good rule: one of you must be 21 but other than that, bring your tweens to the gory violent drug-laced movie.

Not that I was expecting "enjoyment" from a movie called Savages, but all entertainment value was pretty much lost in the opening two minutes when the girl on the screen starts to get her brains violently screwed out by her boyfriend.  It was also lost when the second boyfriend arrived home and then screwed the girl in a bathtub and then in their bedroom, not violently, but all nice-like, so almost rainbows but not quite considering she had two boyfriends. 

Between these heart-to-heart romantic scenes was a scene during which men go their heads hacked off via chainsaw.  This event is recorded and sent in an email so they could see decapitated bodies and their heads laying beside them.

Everytime a scene like this came up--and there were many--we shifted uneasily in our seats, not because of the movie itself, but because there were kids one section over watching along with us.  It's like being in the living room with your parents with the tv on and an ad for safe sex appears.  Awwwkkkwwwaaaarrrrrdddddd.  So if not for the sake of the children, for the sake of those of us around you having a good time, please get a babysitter.  Actually, with kids that age, they can stay home and watch High School Musical without a babysitter.

Fast-forward to Ted, a nice change of genre--still about sex and drugs, but not in a violent way.  Instead, it's a talking teddy bear who has a foul mouth.   And in come a mom and a dad and their three children.  And there goes Ted, talking about eating box and then spraying lotion all over his face to make it look like cum.  Awwwkkkkwwwaaaarrrrddddddd. 

But really, the awkwardness didn't affect us much because of two other people sitting two rows in front of us, enjoying the movie and offering their own commentary.  When these two ladies walked in, I wondered aloud if they were in the right theater.  Eddie laughed, and then every time they said something, we nudged each other and laughed more. 

Ted has a fight with his friend?  Awww, poor Ted.  Nudge--laugh.

Ted humps a grocery store register?  That's disgusting.  Nudge--laugh.

Ted runs from creepy men?  Oh no!  Nudge--laugh.

So the entertainment value for Ted increased even more thanks to two ladies in their seventies interacting with a fictional bear on screen.  It wasn't at all like being in the living room with your parents--it was like having a party with two women who don't know what age means, and that was kinda nice.

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