Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why We Don't Say The F Word

First of all, how the heck do you even spell fiancee? Or is it fiance? How can you type an accent mark? I've never had to. And isn't there a difference in pronunciation or spelling for the male versus female version of that word? So all of that is first.

Secondly, fiance(e) means to me about the same as getting an engagement ring. Not much. Why do we need such a word to indicate the one to whom another is betrothed? Engagement is like limbo. People keep asking if "it" is official. Well, no, nothing is official because a French word and a piece of jewelry are not really the measurement of something being official. Like, if a notary public signed my ring finger and then signed Eddie's ring finger, then maybe it would be official. (BTW: I used to think the title was Nota Republic. You know, like Banana Republic but with less style). Or if a mayor wrote out a document proclaiming that we were to be wed on a certain day and then that document went into the Smithsonian, then perhaps that indicates official. But a word and a ring? I don't get it.

Thirdly, if the label is so important, why don't we have an English word for it that doesn't involve accent marks?

Lastly, Eddie and I sound really silly saying it. We also sound really silly when we address each other with our real names at this point because we are constantly using babe, honey, hon, and hey you, but this is all besides the point. The point is, neither of us sounds quite right in the head when we refer to each other as "my fiance(e)."

I told him that even when we're married, I'm calling him my boyfriend. I don't have the same problem with the word husband as I do with fiance(e). Husband is an English word involving no accents and indicating something concrete. My problem with husband is that (1) I will never feel adult enough to have one the same way I still can't believe that either of us by law is allowed to be engaged because I think of us as two children, not because I'm afraid of getting old, but because the two of us put together still never act like complete adults--I mean how we fumble through life is sometimes a mystery; and (2)for some reason, sometimes the word husband reminds me of the word mustard, and I really don't like mustard.

Eddie has no problem with using the word wife, and I don't have a problem being called a wife, and he actually refers to me as his wife to his friends, some of whom also call me his wife, and to random people like the Fios guy .

Sidenote: All this talk about labels has reminded me of that Marc Cohn song, "True Companion." I used to make fun of it, pointing out that it's a song of love and the best word he could come up with is "companion." Now I'm realizing that it's better than fiance(e).

Until then, when we are "officially married," which by the way, does involve actual official paperwork, we will not be each other's fiance(e)s. We'll be two people in love sharing a life together. Come up with a word that encompasses all that, and maybe I'll use it.

1 comment:

Jade aka Jen :) said...

The word betrothed is english although it is also very old fashioned.

Congrats for making the promise :)