Sunday, December 15, 2013

Lightshow: It's Amazing

Upon hearing about the Holiday Light Show out in Bellport, I had to go. I miss the one Jones Beach used to host. So Eddie and I got in the car and drove about an hour, listening to Christmas music all the way. Fun Fact: Eddie does not know a lot of Christmas song lyrics. So I used the time to belt out the songs along with the radio in an effort to have him learn the lyrics, though I don't think my belting them out at the top of my lung capacity really counts as "teaching."

When we finally got into the region, Judy (the GPS) took us through a bunch of backstreets as usual, causing us to go into our usual "We Are Going To Get Murdered" script. I am happy to report that neither one of us got murdered, though it was kind of iffy, even when we got back on the main road. The part we got back on was also deserted. Eerily so. But we quickly drove off onto some streets where we saw bigass signs that touted LIGHT SHOW in shining lights, so we knew we were in the right place. In hindsight, I'm not sure why Christmas light signs settle us, knowing that we'd be seeing a light show in the woods, where murderers could hang out.
This way to not getting murdered.

So we found the entrance and really, there were no signs there to say what we were supposed to do. Eddie saw some guy waving us in with a wand, kind of like he was landing an airplane. Then there was a second man with a wand. Then a third who didn't like that I was driving slowly because his waving got faster and faster. I'm not sure how I know he was perturbed, but he was. The waving was annoyed waving. Then we pulled up to some young kid who didn't have a wand. I rolled down my window and he asked, How many?

Confused. Numbers confuse me in general, so the how many question threw me off because I'd read the fee was per car. Why did it matter how many of us there were? So I answered his question by asking, There's two of us???? He counted two and handed me two sets of glasses, like those old paper 3D glasses. All right! This was gonna be interesting. Who knew we'd get free glasses???

We pulled up to the booth where two women were standing and they asked for twelve dollars. I handed it over. They said, Enjoy. I pulled up a bit further and stopped. We were the only ones there. Eddie and I looked at each other and asked the same question: We drive through it, right? The pumpkin thing during Halloween had been a walking thing, but there was nothing here that said one way or the other. So I figured, I'll just drive into the entrance and if they start running after the car and yelling, I'll simply back up and park it.

Ahead we went, and no one ran after the car. Driving it is! We drove into the first part, which featured a miniature town all lit up. Then we put on our glasses. First off, because I have an oddly shaped head, mine would not stay on.

Secondly, I couldn't see a thing. Eddie was cheering and shouting about how amazing this was. I was like, I cannot drive with these on. Eddie shouted, I CAN! I CAN! So we switched.

Now, I've never taken a hallucigenic, but I have had a very high fever during which I saw these black tentacle-like snakey things spiralling out of nowhere into all directions towards oblivion, which I'm guessing is kind of like having a bad trip, so I'm going to safely guess that the effects of these glasses are kind of like hallucinating, but on a good trip. It's psychdelically wonderful.

After driving maybe two feet, he decided that he couldn't drive with them on either, stating sadly, "I'm going to ram into a tree if I keep these on." He makes good choices.

We are children, so I was screeching at how cute everything was, getting excited at seeing Santa, some nutcracker mice, and the camel from the Geico commercials, and he was taking 87,000 pictures. It was quite the scene.

Probably my favorite
Hump Daaayyyyyy
No idea what this was but I want them on my lawn

I wonder who the sponsor is.
Western Christmas
Again, no idea
Maracas make me happy.
U S A! U S A!

Behind us were annoying people who seemed to not want to stop and enjoy the lights but wanted to, for some reason, drive through the path as if they were racing in NASCAR. They didn't honk, but they did continue creeping up behind us way too closely. People? Are stupid. Not to be rushed, we ignored the creeping and focused on the oohing and ahhing straight through the movie tribute and the holiday signs.

I'm converting.
We both started laughing because we thought the yeti looks like he has boobs. Because we're 12.
And really, is there anything kitschier than Christmas in Hawaii?

When we were driving out, Eddie said, Hmm, I guess we were supposed to shut off our headlights. When I asked why, he pointed to a sign that said: Turn Your Lights Back On. Safety first! But we'd kept ours on since we never saw a sign that said we should shut them off. Which would have been helpful in letting us know also that we were indeed supposed to drive through instead of testing the waters by slow-rolling up to the path.

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